MICHAEL ANTHONY BLOG
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Deal With This Or It Will Deal With You
Strife is part of life – but much of the strife we experience can be minimized. This is especially true if you’re a leader, in any capacity, because leaders have to deal with people, and people have a way of not always agreeing with each other. If you want to reduce the strife in your life, and in the lives of others, there is something you must address head-on, or it will play head games with everyone within earshot. Never – and I mean never – let gossip go unaddressed. If you’re going to ignore gossip, you might as well participate in it.
Proverbs 26:20 speaks about the destructive power of gossip:
“Without wood, fire goes out;
without gossip, conflict dies down.”*
Gossip fuels conflict the way dry, seasoned wood feeds a campfire. Allow it to go unchecked and a small campfire can become a raging wildfire. While none of us can avoid all conflict in life, you are a poor (and foolish) leader if you don’t address the kinds of conflict created by the flames of gossip. Don’t debate the truth of God’s word. Gossip is a serious, destructive sin.
HOW TO PUT WATER ON THE FIRE OF GOSSIP
1. Get your facts straight; don’t make assumptions. Before you assume things, do your research. Find out if your suspicions about potential gossip are justified. If they are, take action. If they aren’t, move on.
2. Be humbly courageous. Make the decision to confront the person/people involved. Remember, if you do nothing when you know gossip has occurred, you are deciding to risk the potential of a small fire becoming a raging inferno. If that happens, even more of your time, energy and resources will be taxed. Small sins, left unaddressed, grow (See James 1:15). The lack of courage is a reason for many leadership wildfires. Pray for courage, then lovingly, patiently and firmly approach the person/people involved.
3. Begin by affirming the person/people. Then, ask questions; avoid making accusations. Let the person/people know you value them and their time, and care about their quality of life and the quality of the lives of others. Let them know the motive for your getting together with them, so they know you love them and people.
After doing this, ask questions about the details you discovered in your research. Allow them time to answer, and be open to the possibility that you may have received incorrect information. However, you must also be ready to confront the sin if your information is correct, and gossip did indeed occur. Good leaders don’t shy away from problems — they address them head-on.
4. If the person/people are sorry, lovingly hold them accountable and help them repent. If someone has gossiped, they need to not only be sorry. They need to make amends. Gossip is a sin with tentacles. Those tentacles need to be lopped off. The way this happens is for the person/people who gossiped to approach those they gossiped to and say, from the heart, “I am guilty of gossip. I sinned. I sinned against God. I sinned against you, others and myself by doing so. I am sorry, would you please forgive me?”
Of course, there can be variants of this, but not significant variants. The core of the confession and repentance must be present: admission of guilt/sin against God and people. Remorse for the sin. Asking for the person/people sinned against for forgiveness. Without these ingredients, the person/people have not dealt with the fire they started. It’s very important that humble repentance is manifest by the gossiper, or else the damage they started will spread. We have God’s word on it. Don’t forget Proverbs 26:20.
5. If the person/people who gossiped are not sorry and won’t take ownership of their sin and repent, follow Matthew 18:15-20. The Bible is God’s handbook for conflict resolution. Follow it. By doing so, you are following God, not just a book. Do the right things in the right ways. This is true when it comes to handling someone who has gossiped. Don’t skip steps and don’t compromise because to obey this process is to obey God.
6. Follow up and make time to thank God, personally, and with the person/people who gossiped. If the people involved repent and follow #4, above, wonderful. You have followed the LORD well, led people well, and they have followed well (especially the LORD). The fire will be doused. Take time to stop everything and thank God for His goodness, and commend the repentant person/people for taking godly steps to correct a godless act.
Yes, there may be consequences for the sin of gossip even after the guilty repent and apologize, but all you can do is all you can do – and great leaders are responsible leaders who don’t shy away from conflict. If you are a leader, you must address conflict and its roots, because without doing so, you aren’t going very far. And, neither are the people God called you to lead.
We have to get to the heart of the matter, and the heart of the matter is the human heart. Each of us needs to participate in The National Week of Repentance, coming October 30 – November 6, the week before the election. You don’t have to travel anywhere to jump in. RevivalMatters.com provides all the information you need to invite the deep change of heart and lifestyle that only God can bring.
*Scripture taken from the Holman Christian Standard Bible (HCSB).
PULLING TEETH FROM A ROARING TIGER
One of the reasons America is in such a mess is because we Christian leaders don’t seem to give a darn about the damned. The level of mistrust, competition and disinterest between pastors works against the unity that Jesus prayed for in John 17:23:
In light of the moral decline, racial division, financial turmoil and political nonsense we are seeing this election year, I’ve been reaching out to pastors and Christian leaders, trying to get us all on the same page – God’s page – so that we can fulfill Jesus’ prayer in John 17 and actually reach the lost. Here’s what I’ve found: getting Christian leaders together these days is about as easy and comfortable as pulling teeth from a roaring tiger.
We don’t need the devil to derail us. We are doing a find job all by ourselves. Isn’t it ironic that we are pursuing church growth and “ministry” without prioritizing unity – the most important ingredient for church and ministry success? At the end of day, we’re shooting ourselves in our own feet by diminishing the importance of Christian unity. No wonder the world yawns when we open our mouths. Can you blame them? We don’t practice what we preach.
We don’t seem to believe what Jesus taught: people are persuaded about the love of God in proportion to the unity among Christians. The greater the unity, the more irresistible God becomes. The more divided we are, the less people care about Christ. If our objective is to get people to follow Jesus, we have to start following Him ourselves. Until we do, we are nothing more than hypocrites. We want people to love and follow a Jesus we’ve left behind.
It’s not complicated. Our disunity reveals that we Christian leaders don’t seem to really care about reaching the lost. If we did, we’d be doing far more to be unified, because unity convinces people that God is real and the message of the cross is true.
A few months ago, I asked my assistant to reach out to senior pastors from neighboring churches, asking if we could “set up a time to meet in regard to the state of the nation and how churches can cooperate together in unity.” Here is the ironic response of one such pastor:
Is that really God’s “very best”? We make false assumptions about each other that keep us at arms length – in the same city, at this pivotal time in American history. What is wrong with us? We leaders have lost our way. How is it possible to talk “shop” without the shop itself? If we keep talking about all the other issues we face, except the most important issues of the day, aren’t we merely postponing the inevitable day when the circling wagons will achieve their goal? Aren’t we wasting precious time – and precious souls – in the process?
We pastors and Christian leaders all need to repent – big time. We’re too divided to be of any use to the Jesus we say we want other people to follow. The National Week of Repentance is coming October 30 – November 6. Get involved and be part of the solution to the division that is so obvious within the Church. Visit RevivalMatters.com and sign up, now.
ARE YOU A CATALYST FOR UNITY, OR ARE YOU SHOOTING YOURSELF IN THE FOOT at this key time as history is being written? do you give a darn about the damned?
THE MAGIC OF WISDOM
At the end of the day – this day – you will have had a good many chances to be a sexy, magnetic, a person of high moral character whom others find irresistible. You’ll also have many chances to be the exact opposite. Which will it be? The choice is largely up to each of us. Today, that choice is up to you.
Wisdom is magnetically . . . sexy. Yes, sexy. It makes us irresistible. It transforms us. If you think about it, you’ll agree. When we detect wisdom in a person, we’re drawn to them with a magnetic pull that’s indescribable, likely because we each realize our own need for what they have.
We all want wisdom, and when we get it, we become the kind of person others seek. We become sexy – without doing a single thing to alter our physical appearance. Wisdom is a really magical thing.
Proverbs 15:2* says,
“The tongue of the wise makes knowledge attractive, but the mouth of fools blurts out foolishness.”
Throughout the Book of Proverbs, a foolish person is synonymous with the person who lacks discernment, knowledge, integrity and high moral character. It is the fool, for example, who is impatient and has a short tempter (Prov. 14:16, 17, 29) that drives other people away.
When we see people who lack intelligence, integrity and good moral character, we’re typically turned off. We find foolish people repulsive. Yes, certain celebrities and Twitter personalities have done well attracting a following precisely because of their deviant lifestyles and comments, but other people follow them not because they want to be like them, but because they are looking for a source of twisted entertainment.
Foolishness is a freak show. No one, for instance, fantasizes about marrying a fool. Wisdom is respectable.
HOW TO MAKE YOURSELF MORE ATTRACTIVE
No one wakes up eager to show the world their morning face. We all do our best to present our best face to the rest of the world, because we know that without it the day will be an uphill battle. Why add insult to injury by making life, which is already hard, more difficult? Looking good simply makes things easier, better, more enjoyable.
These days, wise speech is so uncommon that when we hear even mildly wise words, everyone sits up and takes notice. One of the best ways to make yourself more attractive is to make sure the words that come out of your mouth are words of wisdom. This is what Proverbs 15:2 is all about. There is nothing more attractive than wisdom rolling off the tongue of a mere mortal, no matter how otherwise unattractive he or she may be.
If you want to make yourself more attractive, consider the words that come out of your mouth. Are they self-centered? Do you tear down other people? Do you gossip or slander? Do you lie? Do you whine or complain? Do you do what Proverbs 12:16* says by showing your displeasure immediately?
“A fools’ displeasure is known at once, but whoever ignores an insult is sensible” – Proverbs 12:16*
Sensibility is another trait of a wise person. Every day is filled with opportunities to be sensible or to become incensed. Opportunities to become insulted abound – but if you are wise, you will not immediately show your displeasure, but learn how to master the fine and rare art of overlooking an offense, as Proverbs 19:11* reminds us:
“A person’s insight gives him patience, and his virtue is to overlook an offense” – Proverbs 19:11*
What kind of person will you be, today? Will you be wise and sexy or foolish and ugly?
WHAT’S ONE THING YOU BELIEVE YOU CAN DO THIS WEEK TO BE WISER, AND MORE ATTRACTIVE, LESS LIKE A FOOL?
TODAY’S TIP: Try one chapter from the Book of Proverbs each day, first thing in the morning. There are 31 chapters, more than enough wisdom for every month of the year. Proverbs will help you learn the traits of a wise person – an irresistible, intelligent, moral, magnetically attractive person – and move toward becoming one.
The National Week of Repentance is coming October 30 – November 6. Get yourself and your people ready at RevivalMatters.com. It is time for the hope and change only God can deliver. The humble courage we so desperately need will only arise if there is a real move of repentance in America, and it needs to begin with you and me.
*Scripture quotations taken from the Holman Christian Standard Bible, Copyright 1999, 2000, 2002, 2003 by Holman Bible Publishers. Used by permission.
This Little Thing Is Huge
You can be undermining yourself and not even realize it. We tend to think power comes with money, formal education, a degree or a promotion, but it really comes down to something everyone has, regardless of our social class, financial status, education, race, or anything else. Chances are very high that you have something you were born with that is very small and exceptionally powerful – but you may not have mastered how to use it to your full advantage. I’m talking about your mouth. If you don’t learn how to use it for good, well, that would be very, very bad.
Your entire life could be suffering for no other reason than the way you are using your little, tiny mouth. That’s huge.
Proverbs 21:23 says,
By all means, think about your mouth – but do far more. With great intention, learn how to use it for good – great good – and not a single shred of evil.
Proverbs 18:21 (ESV) says,
James 3:9-10 (NIV) says,
The words you speak to others (and yourself) affect far more than you may have ever realized. Take your quest for success to a new level: master your mouth. While you are working hard to get a better education, put food on the table, get ahead or whatever it is you think you need to do to succeed, don’t overlook the power of your mouth.
Until we learn how to use our mouths so they speak life and blessing to other people and ourselves, we are undermining God’s very best. We are working against Him, no matter how we may think we are working for Him. You and I can be causing calamity rather than calm, creativity and the culture of goodness that greatly honors God. Your own mouth can cause more problems than anything and anyone else in your entire life.
Learn to use your mouth for good, because that little, tiny thing is actually pretty huge.
Has this blog helped you? we’d love to know . . .
When I was five years old, my father took me on my first fishing trip off the Jersey shore, in a party boat. I wouldn’t call what happened on that boat a “party” by a long shot. To this day, it remains one of the longest days I’ve had to endure. I got so seasick that traditional chum was not needed to lure the fish. I recycled my breakfast into the ocean, offering the fish my bacon and egg breakfast, complete with orange juice and buttered toast, thickly smeared with jam.
There were too many other fishermen on that boat with iron stomachs – and every single one of them was there to catch fish. No chance they would turn around and bring me back to the docks.
Dad figured he might as well make due. To keep me from stumbling overboard, and to accomplish his goal of fishing, he wedged me between his butt and a bench. He kept me somewhat stable as the boat swayed, the ocean sprayed and the sickening stench of diesel fumes, mixed with cigarette smoke filled my gut. I fed the fish again and again. Why Jesus didn’t use this imagery to describe Hell beats me. I love the ocean – from the beach.
When I am at the beach, my mind invariably drifts toward the story of Jonah and the big fish (it wasn’t a whale). The problem with the biblical story of Jonah isn’t in figuring out how a grown man could be swallowed by a big fish. It isn’t in figuring out how Jonah could survive inside a fish for three days and nights. The problem is how much I am just like Jonah – and I don’t like it any more than diesel fumes on a rocking boat filled with smoking fishermen. Jonah’s problem was that he was more concerned about a doggone plant than human beings. How is that even possible?
After finally obeying God and preaching to the people of Nineveh, Jonah took time to see if the people would respond to God’s message spoken through him. Here’s the account in Jonah 4:6-11 (ESV):
The only thing worse than diesel fumes, cigarette smoke and recycling a bacon and egg breakfast on the open sea, is to be called by God and not care about people. To know the love of God – to receive His favor and calling – and to not care that others receive the same is more disgusting than a seasick venture on a temporarily full stomach. It’s far too easy to sail through life and have more affection for things than for people.
Jonah’s problem is my problem, and it needs to make me a bit sicker than I am these days. What about you? Can you identify? Is it easier for you to care about things, and your own comfort, than it is to care – to truly care – for people?
The honest to God truth is that I’m far more like Jonah than I am Jesus. I bet I’m not alone, am I?
I’m very grateful to be chosen as a guest writer for Patheos.com for the new movie Me Before You. The movie is a love story about a young couple – and the extraordinary challenges they face when things take an unexpected turn. What does it really mean to “live boldly” as the movie encourages? When is a live worth much – or not much at all? Here are my thoughts – which I’m sure will make you think about what it means to “live well” . . .